This article is a work of satire and is intended to be treated as such.

The Dogs of Dhaka, a lovable bunch if you aren’t a complete jerk, held a press conference on Monday, demanding that they stop being equated with Ajaira League (AL) goons.

“Bark, bark,” chief Dog Tommy (what else did you imagine he would be named?) said, before adding, “For real, though, let me speak in your language. We did nothing. Stop blaming us for stuff we never did.”

Tommy cited data from the Infectious Diseases Hospital, saying rabies had taken 54 lives in Bangladesh in 2024, with around 80% of cases resulting from dog bites. Here, too, factors such as a lack of vaccines played a role.

He cited reports explaining that a rabies vaccine crisis still prevailed in the country.

“Just Google ‘rabies vaccine crisis’. Ask your AIs. Its real and it’s here. But I don’t hear a lot about it. Why? What economic class is affected by rabies?”

He then pointed to another damning statistic.

“Considering these facts, also consider that the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights estimated that around 1,400 people were killed during the violent crackdowns between July and August 2024. These deaths were orchestrated and ordered by the AL,” he said.

Tommy pointed out that rabies changed an animal’s behaviour. “But does supporting a party do that as well?”

At the event, Pig Spokesperson Snowball, who appeared as a guest, also asked people not to bring his species into the discussion.

“Maybe it’s faith that lets people bring our character into disrepute so easily. But we aren’t the harmful ones. People are. Check your own figures. How many humans have you guys hurt?”

The event was seen by many as a reckoning and a chance for introspection.

At the conclusion, Tommy left the crowd with one question: “How many dogs have you killed to keep your posh areas even more posh? Culling is still killing.”