Japan’s ‘proxy matchmaking’ trend sees parents seek spouses for adult children

A growing trend known as “proxy matchmaking”, in which parents search for potential marriage partners on behalf of their children, is gaining popularity in Japan as more young people choose to remain unmarried.

With 35.1% of unmarried men and women saying they have no intention of marrying, according to a survey by Japan’s Children and Families Agency, some parents are taking the initiative to find suitable partners for their adult children.

According to Yomiuri TV Today, parents in their 50s to 70s are increasingly attending matchmaking events themselves. At an event held at a hotel in Kyoto in August, about 80% of participating parents were in their 60s and 70s, while 90% of the children they represented were in their 30s and 40s.

Parents reviewed booklets containing prospective partners’ profiles, checking their occupations, personalities and views on having children. They also spoke directly with one another to assess potential matches.

At the event, a mother in her 50s representing her daughter in her 20s told the mother of an engineer in his 30s that her daughter wanted to continue working after marriage.

“That doesn't matter at all. Actually, that's great,” the other mother replied.

The discussions sometimes extended to expectations for life after marriage.

Once both sides reach an agreement, the parents exchange their children's profiles and photographs before consulting them about whether to proceed with a formal matchmaking meeting.

Several factors are driving the trend, including parents' concerns about their children living alone in old age, hopes that they will build mutually supportive relationships, and a desire to see them become independent and have children.

For some young people, the approach also offers an alternative to dating apps, which can feel burdensome. Having a potential partner screened by their parents may make the process more reassuring, while the emphasis on efficiency is another factor behind its appeal.

Masahiro Yamada, a professor of family sociology at Chuo University, said proxy matchmaking gives parents a sense that they are doing something for their children and an opportunity to take pride in them.

For the children, he said, parental screening can also shorten the process of securing approval from both families before marriage.